Always
by alambil felicis
Summary: He will always love Lily. Always.  My extended version of The Prince's Tale.


_Nobody sue me. This is me first time shipping Severus and Lily, and because I'm a rabid James/Lily shipper, I'm scared of this one-shot. After watching DH2, I took refuge in my bedroom (depressed) and listened to depressing music. Then the song _**Poison and Wine**_ by _**The Civil Wars **_came and it just screamed LILY AND SEVERUS to me. Then I just started typing like mad. _

_But I have been deprived of the internet and I had to wait for a few days in pure and total anguish and agony before publishing it. You can imagine me glowing with joy and hearing the angels singing when I finally was able to log in._

_You should hear the song that inspired this one-shot before reading this. Please._

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><p>The memories came flashing back. It all felt more real than the physical pain he had. He was barely alive, yet he believed he wasdead. There was no noise at all; he wasn't even breathing, but he was alive, just barely. His heart still was beating, only weakly. Severus let his memories wash over him. He had easily forgotten the pain that paralyzed his physical being…his memories hugged him, body and soul…<p>

.

The sun was setting, and Lily has not arrived yet. He impatiently tightened his crossed arms behind his head and sighed. But he knew she was coming; she was his only friend.

"Severus."

He sat up as quickly as he can and turned around to see Lily panting and smiling at him. She scurried over next to him and seated on the cool tuft of grass under their favorite tree. Severus looked at her cheerfully.

"Petunia almost got me in trouble," Lily complained. "I had to wait until mum and dad left the house for some dinner party or whatever. Good thing Mrs. Jenkins was a little deaf, otherwise, she would've found out I sneaked out and then I'd be in more trouble."

"But you'd be in trouble when you go back home anyway," Severus said. "Your sister would tell on you—"

"I don't care, really. I could always threat her" she replied confidently and laughed. Lily lied down on the grass and stretched her hands in front of her, marveling on their silhouette against the pretty orange glow of the sky. "You were waiting for me. I couldn't just not go, now, could I?"

Severus grinned and lied beside her, stretching his hands too. "Thanks, but are you sure you'd risk it—"

"Of course! You're my best friend."

He grinned even wider.

Lily spoke after a few moments of peaceful silence. "I can't believe we're starting our second year in just a few weeks," she whispered.

"We'll be alright, I guess," Severus replied sadly.

"What's the matter?" Her friend did not reply. She sat up as Severus brought down his arms, and peered at his face. Lily made an impatient sound and tugged on his elbow. "Come now, what's wrong? Don't you want to go back?"

Severus got up as well and shook his head. "I want to go back, but…"

"What?"

"Well, we can't really see each other as often as we want to there—"

"What are you talking about, of course we can."

Severus hesitated but the concerned look Lily gave him entreated him to tell. "You're in Gryffindor while I'm in Slytherin—"

"Not that again!" Lily exclaimed. "Can't two people each from those two houses be friends?"

"They can, but there are more complicated things."

"No, there aren't. You're only complicating them," Lily said forlornly with her head bowed.

"I'm sorry," Severus weakly pleaded.

Lily looked at him at him at the corner of her eyes. "We're friends," she began.

"Yes," he said, meekly waiting for whatever she was going to say next.

Lily played with the grass between them. She spoke with a sure and firm voice which made Severus believe with everything he has. "Nobody can change that, alright? Nobody can make us…un-friend each other. Nobody but _us_. If you decided that you don't want to be my friend anymore, or if I did, then that's the only time we can no longer be friends. You understand?"

She then looked at him in the eyes and he saw that she was sincere. He felt a warm sensation envelope his chest. He felt accepted.

"Yeah," he nodded. Lily smiled so brightly that he was able to do the same, despite the nagging feeling at the back of his mind that told him nothing was going to last.

"Good," she appraised. "Now, let's have some ice cream. I just received free coupons from my grandmother!"

Lily stood up and offered her hand to him. Severus grinned, got on his feet, and took it.

"Promise me something," Lily said lightly.

"Anything," he said as they started to walk.

"We'll always tell each other anything we want, what bothers us or whatever, alright? No secrets and no lies. And we'll always be there for each other."

Severus squeezed her hand and nodded. "Yes."

"Always?"

He looked at her and echoed her words, "Always."

The next day, he showed Lily their binding agreement on the trunk of the tree in which shade they usually sat under. The word 'always' was roughly etched on the wood.

.

A sixteen-year-old Lily traced with her fingers the word Severus carved on the trunk of their favorite tree some few years ago. Her eyes stung, not because of the cold winter breeze, but because of a loss she had feared. _Always_, what was it now? She heard the slightest of footsteps behind her. She abruptly stood up and turned around. Severus looked pale and eerie, his dark hair flying away from his face. His eyes were not cold, unlike how she used to see them on the corridors in between classes. They were now melted in an emotion only Lily knew. But now, she chose to return that appeal for re-acknowledgement with severity.

"I thought you were staying in Hogwarts for the holidays?" she asked coldly."With your evil friends."

"I wanted to see you," he said.

Lily scoffed and made to turn away from him and go home. Severus barred her way. "Let me through!" she demanded after failed attempts of walking past him.

"Not until you listen to me,"

"What's there to listen about? What are you going to say _again_?"

Severus'face twisted in a grimace, "Can we please just be friends again—"

"Why should we?"

He looked livid, "Why shouldn't we?"

"Alright then, here's why: I trusted you! I gave you so many chances but you still didn't stop! I told you that you shouldn't hang out with those kind of people! Don't you know what you're doing to yourself? You follow Avery and his pals like a pet! Sev, they're not your friends! You've changed a lot…"

Her eyes started to brim with tears. "I trusted you," she continued softly. "Don't you know that I know the things you and your chums are doing? Seriously, _DeathEaters_? You don't tell me anything, but I know them! I know a lot more than what you think I do. You can't fool me. I've hoped thatyou'd see some sense, but I've just been disappointed. That's why we can't be friends, why we shouldn't be friends."

Severus pressed his lips together in a tight line. "That's it, huh? I suppose you've found your own savior in Potter, that's why you see no use of me anymore—"

"What do you mean?" Lily scowled.

It was his turn to make a speech. "Can't you see? Haven't you realized your own actions? You constantly seek refuge! Bright as you are, you're dependent. You were only friends with me because you saw me as an inferior, someone you can manipulate. Probably you have pitied me at first, but then you realized that you could use me for your own advantage. A Mudblood threatened by the very person she is. You needed reassurance that you are better than what people think. Your insecurities about your what you are have caused you to cling on someone's company. And now that you are assured that you are superior, you've found a partner. Potter must've provided a sense of security that you will remain in that state in which you call the top. No wonder, Pureblood, he is. It was only a matter of time before you see that you are able to target a larger catch than puny little Snivellus. Well, let me tell you something: I will be far greater than any of you. I don't need your friendship. I don't need your directions or you pity."

Lily advanced on him; she made to slap him across the face, but her hand froze in midair. She shook her head, her eyes shining with unshed tears and anger. "I've cared for you." She said this and walked away from him.

It took Severus a few seconds to have what just happened sink in, but he regretted everything he said as soon as it came out of him. He meant nothing of what he said. It pained him so greatly. He closed his eyes as he felt a very painful, almost physical, pang of remorse and shame. He clutched his chest and sobbed. He slowly lowered himself to a crouch and bowed his head, thinking of nothing but Lily. He should've stopped her leaving. He should've told her what he really felt and he should've braced himself for whatever Lily was going to say. But fear overtook him. He cursed himself for being a coward. Instead of letting Lily feel how much he cared for her, he did the exact opposite, just because he was afraid of rejection.

Once he was able to calm himself down, he raised his eyes to the trunk of the tree a meter or two away from him. Engraved on it was the word 'always'. He remembered his and Lily's promise to each other and bitterly realized that the 'always' that they had was now nonexistent.

He ruined it. Everything.

Since then, his dreams were haunted by Lily's voice. He would wake up with her words echoing within the walls of his lonely dark room. _"I've cared for you…always…"_

.

Dark and soulless, the world seemed. Everywhere he looked, he saw death and hopelessness written all over. It was too late; he could never go back. He could never save her. He turned away from everything he thought he had, and offered himself for her safety. He knew it wasn't enough, be he was also aware that he couldn't let his face be seen by Lily; too many scars have been made.

The Potters' gate was almost unhinged. The ruins of the house spoke of despair and the frostiness of the wind whispered terror. Severus stepped foot on the threshold of the Potters' house and immediately felt grieve take over his entire being. He walked as if in a terrible trance, dreadfully anticipating the dead form of his one true friend and his only love. He heard an infant's whimpers in one room and deduced that it was probably where he'd find what he was looking for. The first object to reach his senses was the little boy, his eyes red and puffy, and his voice strained and hoarse from his ceaseless and unheard crying. A definite scar on his forehead was easily noticed; it looked fresh as it was red and raw. He followed the gaze of the child, fear gripping Severus of what he could see.

Lily lay lifeless on the floor, her green blank eyes staring at the ceiling. A trail of tear was trickling down on her temple and into the mess of her red hair. Severus couldn't help but cry in pain. He knelt down and embraced her corpse against his body and cried.

"No…" he moaned incessantly. "I love you…please…I always have…"

He kissed her forehead, still whispering to her that he loved her as if she were still alive, and closed her eyes before taking one last good look. It took much strength of him to lay her back down and stand up. He gazed at Harry, his vision slightly blurred with hot tears, and tried to peer at his eyes. But he couldn't take it so he Disapparated.

He arrived on the clearing beside the river where he and Lily used to spend time when they were little, before coerced anonymity ensued between them. He leaned on the trunk of their favorite tree for support as he let his tears drop on the tree roots. The wind whipped his face. He looked at the hostile sky and forced himself not to scream out the pain, regret and bitterness that made his heart their home. It was all because he was a coward. He was scared of his own feelings and let fear and selfish desires enslave him.

That moment, Severus promised himself that he would become brave for Lily. He would care for the last thing she left on earth. She wouldn't die in vain. He would always care and he would be brave…for those loyalty was worthy of giving and for those who shined as a beacon of hope.

Never once did he regret anything he suffered for the sake of the safety of Lily's son, although Harry had called him a coward before and have acted with all his will against him. But at least now he could be content; he had allowed Harry find out his deepest secrets, his greatest concerns andthelove that kept him going. He was reassured that even as he was closing in on death, a reconciliation would be constructed, a reconciliation that would save the inner storm that stirred to destruct his very being. He was now prepared to die.

.

It was like a dream: the sun was setting and though Lily was not beside him, Severus knew she's _with_ him…_in_ him. He loved her and because of that, he was able to forgive those who have hurt him and at the same time seek forgiveness from all those whom he had hurt…

Severus saw a young boy, with an oversized shabby cloak and a greasy long hair, hand-in-hand with a young girl, with a smile on her face that seemed to brighten the slowly dimming world.

"Always?" she asked.

"Always," the boy answered.

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><p><em>Apologies for wrong grammars and spellings.<em>

_I haven't proofread it. As usual._

_GO LISTEN TO THE DAMN SONG NOW._


End file.
